Writing is my passion, it helps me bring emotions to my words. The feeling is so refreshing. As I write I re-live every thought in my head, of the people and experiences that are close to my heart. The moments that were special and the moments that were painful.
Another interest to me now is to Travel. Travel to me meant trips with family and friends, never had I ever considered traveling by myself. I once believed people who travelled alone did so because they had no choice. And that was a wrong assumption that made me realize how naive I had been all these years to even think that way.
Although I wanted to travel, I chose to wait and do that with the man I would share my life with, the longer I waited the sooner I began to realise, the only certainty is my present, so why am I not making use of that while I dreamt of a future I may or may not have.
If I didn’t travel now, it may never be a possibility in future. There are so many places I mean to visit and I honestly do not know if I would have all that time. And so I finally did it, my first ever solo trip, to a city which had a lot of history, beautiful architecture and amazing churches, that can almost be compared to Europe, the city of Montreal.
Just when I was about to write-off my life because of the way it was treating me, things happened. It was not just one but rather a string of events that led to this liberating moment, which I probably should have experienced years ago that could have changed my whole perspective or life.
For those of you who don’t know me and not aware of what’s happened with me and my family in the last few months, it would probably seem simple. Life is hard for all of us, but how we overcome from it all is what defines each of us differently.
I have finally been able to walk ahead, and will NEVER look back. This is not something that comes naturally to me, because I am the person who always overthinks (still do) and always have the habit of going over every single detail that led to the events that I ideally didn’t expect to happen, because I wanted to be perfect. Well who doesn’t, working towards perfection is one thing but being one is easier said than done.
It’s like I had the answer to a better life but never meant to use it as a solution at all, why? I have absolutely no clue.
Although most people blame others for their misfortunes I predominantly blamed myself, to the point where I actually began to believe everything was my fault. My father died because of me, is what I told myself and mom sometime back.
It may sound stupid, but yes it is true, there have been so many sleepless nights where I would crib, cry and yell at myself for not being the perfect daughter my dad deserved, I reduced his lifespan by missing his phone call which would have delayed him from leaving and meeting with that fateful accident. Even though he explicitly told me that he was proud of me just two weeks before his death it didn’t matter to me for what had happened.
But, I am past those moments and I would want to give almost all the credit to all those people who love me, coached me and reminded me of who I am. I say almost because come on, I want to take a little bit of the credit to bringing myself back to being me don’t you think !
So what changed?My thoughts.
The mind is a powerful vessel that can crush or mould you to be your best self. What I thought was not life threatening was actually the main reason for my life to almost fall apart or handicap me for the rest of my life. The feeling that literally tortured me every single moment of my life since 2015 was this. UNFORGIVENESS
I always told myself forgive one an another, but I never taught myself to forgive me. I blamed myself for everything that ruined my happiness and my family’s peace even when it was actually not even me being the cause of it all.
Long story short, this trip showed me how life can be, when you choose to look forward, think clearly and trust yourself.
Because folks, we have just one life and so remember
Let go of your sad past, but remember all the joys of it.
Look forward to your future, but learn from your mistakes.
Overthink a little but not to a point where it drives you insane.
Lastly, love yourself and share that love with the person who accepts you for who you are.
PS: Not all this knowledge came from my head, like I said I share this credit with God, friends and family that made me who I am today. Love you all!